Blew The Dog’s Head Off

2 down, 28 and a wake up before we bust out of L7, 2020

Dear God, G-d, The Great Senor, A – Zed, The is that Is all there IS,

What about it? I mean down here. This isn’t funny anymore. Woo hoo! Wakey wakey! You’re breakin’ our hearts. It isn’t enough that people are scared shitless, there won’t be a baseball season, and my best “Lifetime” (there’s a laugh) SS 25 mm open end busted. (Thanks alot Big John, BTW.)

Now I have to deal with John Prine drowning in his own spit too? Jesus have mercy. John Prine? I mean that guy has already had about, what, 5 kinds of cancer? Let’s cut some slack for him. He isn’t that eager to have a cigarette ‘nine miles long’ and ‘vodka and ginger ale’.

What else do you have in store for us? I seem to have heard about some bad bad stuff coming. Plagues of locusts? Giant cracks appearing in the earth? Exploding pizzas? No kidding did you see that one? I’m sure you did, you’re God!  But just in case, this guy’s pizza exploded and killed his dog. Pizza guy leaves it on the porch and runs off; he don’t want to get any diseases from the guy, so he doesn’t even wait for a tip. Sets the pizza down and rings the bell and then books out of there. Dog comes sniffing up to the delicious whatever it smells and boom. Had a timed deton device. Blew the dogs head off. I guess the guy was a con of some kind, but still. This is what we’re dealing with here, Lord. Google it.

Not that you have to.

Is this it? If it is, I wish it would get a lot worse pretty quick so I could take it seriously, or just go away. Know what I’m saying? I’m nuts with this stuff.

Meanwhile, at the salt mines they brought out every piece of rolling stock they could find in the tri-county area. Every crap tractor they could drive in here and the ones they couldn’t they had towed. And now it’s down to me and Ike nights. Basically, all we’re doin’ is trying to fix the stuff days fucks up. Get this. On one of the vac trucks, they had a 6 in AG Male welded on the intake. Had to grind it off and weld on a female. Really dumb. Ike was pissed.

“Fuck the truck, fuckers! The female goes on the truck. We always fuck the truck with the hose!”

I repent for going off on you like this. But this is about ready to do me in. Remember the time I found out about Cheryl? It’s not as bad as that but almost. I don’t even know why I bother to write.

I like your Son better than you sometimes. I’m sorry, that’s just a fact.


Next Letter: June Bug

Author: hsderkin

H. Scott Derkin lives with his wife and a scruffy miniature poodle mix on the banks of a river in NW Michigan. By not taking into account his shortcomings, his wife has managed to stay with him for over half a century.